Jon & Sansa War Council Parody
by InvisibleMan017
Summary: This is a parody of a scene in the Season 6 episode 9 episode of Game of Thrones 'The Battle of the Bastards'. An awkwardly silly conversation between Sansa and Jon escalates. My GOT stories were originally mean't to be Youtube poop videos. Hope you like them. Rated M.


Tormund and Davos left the tent. Jon sat down knackered after thinking too hard at the War Council.

Jon sat down exhausted, closed his eyelids and gently laid his fingers on his forehead. Jon sighed. Relieved that the War Council was over.

Sansa hadn't left, and didn't talk at all during the War Council meeting. Sansa stood up tall staring at Jon sitting.

"So you've met the enemy" Sansa said.

"Aye, for what it's worth" Jon replied.

"You've met the enemy" Sansa repeated.

Jon smiled. "You've met the enemy" Sansa repeated.

Jon smiled again, not sure what to think. Jon isn't sure whether Sansa's playing a joke on him or because she's being stupid.

"You've met the enemy" Sansa said again, for the fourth time.

Jon's mouth dropped, shocked at Sansa's constant repeated sentence. His eyes looked into hers, longing for an answer. Why is she doing this, Jon thought. Is this a joke? Is it because she can't comprehend the situation and is merely repeating aloud what she said to try and find her footing? Is she getting dementia?

Questions buzzed through Jon's mind like wildfire. Sansa never seemed to come off as intelligent exactly, I never thought she was an idiot though, Jon thought to himself.

"You've met the enemy" Sansa repeated for the fifth time.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Jon replied. Sansa was starting to annoy Jon now.

Sansa just stood there for a 10 seconds, staring at Jon in a superior manner. There was a long silence.

"So you've met the enemy".

"Sansa" Jon replied frustratingly.

"Jon" Sansa replied.

"Sansa".

"Jon".

There was another long silence. What the fuck is she doing! Jon thought. Hasn't she literally not got anything to say? Has she just come to me to tell me something really obvious 100 times?!

Suddenly, Sansa moved closer to the table Jon was sitting at and leaned over it a little and looked Jon directly in the eye. Sansa's pretty little mouth moved into a different routine of shapes than before.

"Did it ever once occur to you that I might have some insight" Sansa asked. Her tone of voice sounded like she thought it was obvious that Jon should know she has insight and that Jon should have asked her for insight. Her voice was slightly condescending and child-like.

Jon sat at the table, surprised. Jon had his mouth open and an his eyes almost shut. Wow, she's actually said something different, Jon thought. I should have asked her about her thoughts on the battle, then again it would of been no use anyway because she's beginning to make me believe she's a fool, Jon thought.

"You're right" Jon replied.

"Did it ever once occur to you that I might have some insight"?

What the hell, she's repeating herself again!

Jon stood up from his chair. "What should I do differently!" Jon bellowed. He walked towards Sansa standing toe to toe with her and waited for her answer.

"I don't know! I don't know anything about battles! Just don't lose!" Sansa replied hastily.

"Aye that's pretty good advice" Jon replied sarcastically.

"Thanks" Sansa said, gratefully.

"It isn't really!" Jon shouted. I can't believe how stupid and obvious my sister is, Jon thought.

"If you think I'm obvious you're an idiot" Sansa said bitterly. Sansa herself was very annoyed.

Why was Jon being so rude she thought. I'm giving Jon wise advice and he's rejecting it! 'Don't lose' is the best advice to anyone in a battle, Sansa thought. That's what Joffrey always said anyway. Jon's being such an idiot! Sansa thought, as tight blood vessels of sheer anger pressed onto her temples.

"Ride south today. If you come back North, I'll hang you for being obvious!" Jon replied, clearly furious with his sister. Jon immediately had second thoughts about this, saying it in the heat of the moment whilst incredibly agitated.

Sansa all of a sudden started crying. Tears ran down her face.

"No! I'll be a good girl! I promise!" Sansa pleaded desperately. Her face flushed red, it was clear to Jon she was a damsel in distress.

Jon immediately felt extremely sympathetic towards his poor sister. She's family, I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't be speaking to her like this, Jon thought. She's still a child who doesn't know what she's doing. How would father feel right now, seeing Sansa angry at me and begging for mercy? I have more honour than this, Jon thought.

"Alright" Jon replied casually.

Unable to face his sister just yet and feeling tired after the War Council meeting and the argument with his sister, Jon heads towards the exit.

"Idiot" Sansa mumbled.

Jon turned back around, facing Sansa once again. He had only made it halfway to the tent exit.

"Pardon?"

"You've met the enemy... idiot" Sansa said tauntingly.

Why can't Sansa just leave him alone and let him speak to his wildling friends, Jon thought to himself. Lady Catelyn always told people to get up and walk out when she had a bitter argument, she liked to avoid arguments. However Sansa, unlike her mother stops people from walking out to carry on the argument. In that regard, Sansa is very unlike her mother Jon thought. Perhaps she got it off of Queen Cersei.

"Oh just let us go! Let us be!" Jon sang.

"Idiot" Sansa said in a hatefully harsh tone of voice.

Jon let out a piercing battle cry. The same sound Jon made when he was fighting his enemies.

"Jon" Sansa replied, slightly intimidated.

Jon reaved of anger. Unable to contain it. He rapidly walked up to Sansa rather aggressively and looked her straight in the eye.

"I can't kill you! Father's ghost will come back and murder me if I do!" Jon said frustratingly.

Unable to contain his rage, Jon threw an epic and incredibly damaging tantrum. Jon rushed to the table and began pounding on it with his fist and stamped on the floor harshly. Grunts escaped his mouth and waves of violent sounds escaped his mouth, soundwaves travelled through the air and penetrated Sansa's ears; beating back the wind to get in.

Jon's sudden outburst startled Sansa and her body began to shake and tremble from the loud noise and violent scene she was witnessing from a fully grown man. Sansa's chamber pot which was lying on one of the tables fell off from the bashing Jon gave it. Jon was in a trance. He imagined the table was Ramsay Bolton's head and agressively roared as he landed his fists down to the table.

"Pick up my chamber pot Jon". Sansa was standing up, watching the bizarre scene.

Jon continued his tantrum.

"Pick up my chamber pot Jon. I need to go poo".

Jon continued. His tankard of ale he had sipped during the War Council had fell onto the strategic maps and had stained them due to his beating of the table.

"I need poo". Sansa repeated this three more times.

None of Sansa's words stopped Jon's complete and utter rampage.

"Stop it! Idiot" Sansa said angrily.

"Stop it idiot"! Sansa was now fuming.

Jon becomes even more angry after Sansa called him an idiot. Jon continued and his aggression increased. Jon's imagination switches from Ramsay to Sansa. It is now Sansa Jon imagines beating down upon, using the table to pretend with.

Sansa began to feel intimidated, worried and scared. "You're not being merciful!" Sansa blurts out.

Jon gets up furiously and walks over to Sansa. He graps his hands at her boobs and tears the clothing material off along with the bra.

Jon then thought to himself. Okay, so I can't kill my sister, father's ghost will kill me and I think I'll regret it if I do it, Sansa is family after all. But I can rape her. I'm sure father's ghost will forgive me for that, it's far better than killing her and she's already been raped anyway so what difference is it going to make? I'm going to fuck her long and hard, tough and rough.

Sansa was shocked. Her eyes wide open in surpise and fear, her mouth wide open and her face red with worry. Her breasts were average sized for a girl of her age and weight.

Before Sansa can react, Jon pushes her down onto the ground, onto her knees. He manhandles her in the direction he wants her to be in, her soft callipygian ass facing his legs, on her knees. Then Jon violently rips apart Sansa's dress from the back of the neck to her backside and chucks the ruined dress away.

Without hesitation, Jon quickly gets his cock out, goes down on his knees behind Sansa and thrusts his cock inside her anus. Jon lets out screams and moans very similar to his war cry as he pounds away on Sansa's beautiful curvy ass. Jon loved redheads. I haven't fucked one for so long, Jon thought. I love how pale her ass is.

Jon slaps, rubs and pinches Sansa's ass cheeks as he fucks her, Sansa begins to moan sexually.

"You rape me better than Ramsay ever did".

It was always my fantasy to be raped by a brother of mine out of nowhere, Sansa thought. As much as I like this sex fantasy of mine though and how much I want to complete it, I still don't like what Jon's done to me tonight. Oh dear, I can't hold it any longer.

Shit was everywhere. Jon's cock was covered in Sansa's poop.

"I've pooped myself. I feel better now" Sansa said extremely casually.

"Jon took his cock out and tilted his head up to the roof.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Jon bellowed at the top of his lungs.

 _ **In the Afterlife**_

"Lord Stark". Jory was standing in the doorway.

"What is it?" Ned replied.

"It's your daughter and your bastard son. The living watchers or ghosts rather, say they've, well... I think you should see it for yourself".

Jory's a good man, Ned thought. I trust him with all my heart.

"Bring the astral recorder to me. I'll watch what they've done".

Ned's optimistic.

Within minutes Jory came back with a device and Ned was transported to the War Council as an invisible visitor, a ghost.

"No". Ned speaked to himself. "No, no way". After watching more than he could bear, Ned transported back to his heaven. Ned went on a rampage and destroyed the room.

Like uncle, like nephew.


End file.
